Responses to Coming Out

There’s a mix of responses you could receive after coming out. You cannot always know what to expect, so it is best to prepare for anything.

• Some people will be happy you felt comfortable enough to be open with them
• Some will become more supportive over time

• It may just be that you took them completely by surprise 
• Give them some time to think about what you’ve shared—just as you needed some time to think about how you would share with them

• In the worst-case scenario, some may lash out
• Family members may say hurtful things, kick you out, or cause physical harm
• Friends may bully you, stop talking, to you, or threaten to end the friendship

Why might someone react negatively?

• Our culture is not always accepting of others who are different
• It is not an excuse, but it could help you understand why some people react the way they do
• A negative reaction is not your fault—unfortunately, it is how some people were taught to think

Despite why some people may find accepting your identity challenging, the truth is:

You are not alone

• Many of us still face discrimination, but we are making progress together! See Dealing with Discrimination for more information.
• You will find people who will be truly supportive and like you for who you are

It’s not your fault

• Your family or friends might not accept you, but this does not make you a bad person

Accepting yourself is an incredible accomplishment

• Sharing your true self with others is very brave

It is normal to feel hurt if others don’t accept you

• Rejection is painful—you may feel unloved, abandoned, devastated, guilty, or confused
• Negative reactions often come from fear or not knowing what to do

Abuse of any kind is unacceptable

• Physical, verbal, and/or emotional
• If you are in an abusive situation reach out for help here:
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) 1-800-799-7233 
  • National Sexual Assault Hotline (www.rainn.org) 1-800-656-HOPE
  • National Runaway Safeline (www.1800runaway.org) 1800-RUNAWAY 
  • The Trevor Project (www.thetrevorproject.org) 1-866-488-7386 

Turn to your accepting friends and other support systems

• Times like these can strengthen your relationships